What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

What were some things that the ancient Greeks excelled at compared to the Romans?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

Trump is going to target known criminals in the country illegally for deportation. The Democrats have vowed to fight him every step of the way. Don't they understand this is one of the issues that cost them the white house, the house and senate?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Do you know what she said mum?

For an unpublished short story writer, what magazines or online publications offer the best chance of being recognized?

What! how could you do that?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

What is the best way to end a relationship with someone who has future plans with you?

What do you mean son?

True - how I loved my mum!

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Why do boobs of some girls bounce when they walk?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?